The Worth of a Soul

In September, after the last of the peaches had fallen to the ground, I got a crazy idea. Since I had been feeling relatively perky for someone living with cancer, I felt the time was right to cross off a “bucket list” item I have wanted to do for some time. Each year around 9/11 I watch a lot of the shows on TV looking back on that day, and this year I included a wonderfully-written book, Rise And Fall–The Story of 9/11 by Mitchel Zuckoff, in my remembrance of that day. All combined, and also never having been to New York City, I decided to plan a short trip to see the 9/11 Memorial and Museum and, of course, experience the “city that never sleeps”–given my insomnia, me and the city have something in common!

I am in between CT scans right now, the next coming probably after Christmas. My tumor marker (CA-125) which supposedly indicates tumor growth, has been slowly rising each time. I’m still going every 3 weeks for my Avastin infusion as a maintenance drug, and that’s when they take my blood samples. The tumor marker is up to 128 (<35 is the norm) which means it rises about 15 to 20 points per month. It’s not a definitive indication of what is actually happening in my body, but it is a clue. I am still taking the Fenben dog dewormer as I mentioned in previous blog posts, but it is getting harder to acquire, as my usual source was out of stock this time. I found and bought an alternative, but I can see it is being discovered by a lot more people and who knows what the drug maker or the government will do once they discover humans are taking it.

I planned my trip for early November and asked a long-time friend if she would accompany me and she agreed. That was last week and as you can see in the featured picture of me in front of the memorial waterfall pool and the new “Freedom Tower”, we made it! Physically, the trip was a bit of a challenge as there was a lot of walking involved and my new life with cancer has been a sedentary one. We spent half a day in the museum which was just a phenomenal experience. It is all underground in the exact location of where the two towers once stood. Inside the crumbled foundation of each tower, they have constructed a faux-building, one of which contains artifacts, pictures and stories from pre-9/11, to an accounting of the day in each location of attack, and the aftermath.

The other building, which I want to especially highlight today, was a tribute to each deceased victim of 9/11. Pictures of each one of them cover the walls. In the middle is a room with a lighted, see-through floor showing the rubble underneath and benches along the walls. As you sit there, you hear and see the name of each victim read slowly, some including a memory shared from a family member about that person. Outside the room is a display spotlighting some of their hobbies and interests with items donated from family. Overall what impressed me with this building and the names outside, carved in metal around the pools, was the focus on the individual. They are not treated like a group of fatalities, but as distinct, separate human beings who were loved and cherished by family and friends and had their own specific talents, abilities and personalities. They don’t allow pictures to be taken in this part of the museum. When we were outside, my friend momentarily put her purse down on the name plates surrounding the pool, and was immediately told to take it off of there. The names and the people are treated with the utmost respect and reverence. A white rose is placed in their name on their birthday and a red rose for their wedding anniversary.

This year, about 14,000 women will die from ovarian cancer; 607,000 people from all types of cancer. We are more than a statistic. I recently joined a Facebook group of cancer victims who are trying Fenben to treat their cancer. Each tells their story when they join the group, and they are all different, but each is battling this pernicious disease the best they know how. It has helped me see who those ugly numbers represent on a personal level and I am better for the experience.




3 thoughts on “The Worth of a Soul

  1. I will always remember my trip to NYC and to the museum and memorial there. What an experience. I’m glad you got to go there as well. Hugs.


  2. I am so happy that you got to see New York and experience the memorial. We always say a prayer for you and hold you in our heart ❤.


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